Beginning of my 40th year, 5770, and the 2009-2010 school year...

For me, the “new year” always starts sometime between late August and mid September.

• My birthday is September 5
• Rosh Hashanah (aka “The Jewish New Year”) falls late August/mid September on the secular/Gregorian calendar
• The school year (either as a student or an academic) starts mid August to early September, depending on the college system (quarters versus semesters)

This has always been my fresh start, my time for new beginnings, my time for resolutions. And so it is this year….

I have a great deal of goals – most of them realistic – for this year. Be the goals personal or professional, physical or spiritual, mundane or extraordinary…they all focus on a central concept. My “one little word” ala Ali Edwards for my personal new year is INVIGORATE!

Invigorate =

1. to impart vigor, strength, or vitality to (compliments of the American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language)
2. to give energy to or refresh (compliments of the Collins Essential English Dictionary)

I’ve had this word – my one little word – on the backburner since reading everyone else’s entries at the start of 2009. This is truly a concept I want to put at the forefront of my mind, as it addresses so much of the stagnation I feel.

I’m not sure where I will address all of these issues/ideas/plans. Perhaps I’ll resurrect my poor old other blog…perhaps not. I won’t do it here, as I would like to keep this blog pristine, so to speak. I want to keep this my special place to explore a different side of me…to INVIGORATE the creative me…or at least that’s my plan!

The Journey Begins

To say my other blogging attempts have been unsuccessful is an understatement. I have tried (and failed) twice. In my first attempt, my personal goals for the blog were ill defined. In my second attempt, I set out to narrowly focus on my work – specifically attempting to both (a) deconstruct my lack of progress translating research into published manuscripts and (b) give myself the proverbial kick in the tuchas to get moving. I made one post.

I am committed to this blog – I have to be. You see, I am turning 39. My 30’s have been incredibly powerful and transformative, which I think is typical for most women I know. I got married a few months before I turned 30, and in this decade I have learned to be a wife, earned my doctorate, crafted a successful career for myself as a professor in a teaching focused institution, and (most profoundly) become a mother. I am happy – genuinely so – and I am very fortunate. I don’t have a place to complain about anything.

HOWEVER – somewhere along the course of the last decade I’ve lost little bits of myself. So insidious were the losses I hardly noticed them at first, and when I did, I didn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to care. Not to mention, the losses seemed so trivial when compared to my growing list of responsibilities. I mean, did it really matter that I didn’t have time to meander through my favorite wing of the art museum, or sit and journal in a favorite coffee house, or have a girl’s night out, or read a really good book (that wasn’t about parenting or my field of research or teaching methodologies or time management), or take a yoga class, or work out, or get my hair cut, or go clothes shopping for myself, or spend hours in a bookstore, or do ANYTHING entirely me-centric?? The answer: yes, it mattered.

Now, 9 years into my role as wife, 9 years into my role as professor, 5 years into my role as Mommy, I have become a cliché. A somewhat doughy, kind-of frumpy, “I used to love to fill in the blank, but I just can’t find the time for myself” kind of Mom. Thank G-d I don’t drive a minivan or live in the burbs – I’d have to hurl myself off a cliff (no offense to any minivan driving suburban Moms out there – it just not my cup of tea).

SO, here it is…my flailing attempt to garner a bit of who I used to be. I will officially begin my Project 365 on my 39th birthday (Sept 5). However, in the next month, I will clarify my goals for this blog and myself in preparation for my journey to unearth and cultivate me…because it will make me a better Mom, better person, better woman, better educator, better wife, and, perhaps most of all, because I deserve it. Don’t we all?
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (Lao-tzu)