The Journey Begins

To say my other blogging attempts have been unsuccessful is an understatement. I have tried (and failed) twice. In my first attempt, my personal goals for the blog were ill defined. In my second attempt, I set out to narrowly focus on my work – specifically attempting to both (a) deconstruct my lack of progress translating research into published manuscripts and (b) give myself the proverbial kick in the tuchas to get moving. I made one post.

I am committed to this blog – I have to be. You see, I am turning 39. My 30’s have been incredibly powerful and transformative, which I think is typical for most women I know. I got married a few months before I turned 30, and in this decade I have learned to be a wife, earned my doctorate, crafted a successful career for myself as a professor in a teaching focused institution, and (most profoundly) become a mother. I am happy – genuinely so – and I am very fortunate. I don’t have a place to complain about anything.

HOWEVER – somewhere along the course of the last decade I’ve lost little bits of myself. So insidious were the losses I hardly noticed them at first, and when I did, I didn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to care. Not to mention, the losses seemed so trivial when compared to my growing list of responsibilities. I mean, did it really matter that I didn’t have time to meander through my favorite wing of the art museum, or sit and journal in a favorite coffee house, or have a girl’s night out, or read a really good book (that wasn’t about parenting or my field of research or teaching methodologies or time management), or take a yoga class, or work out, or get my hair cut, or go clothes shopping for myself, or spend hours in a bookstore, or do ANYTHING entirely me-centric?? The answer: yes, it mattered.

Now, 9 years into my role as wife, 9 years into my role as professor, 5 years into my role as Mommy, I have become a cliché. A somewhat doughy, kind-of frumpy, “I used to love to fill in the blank, but I just can’t find the time for myself” kind of Mom. Thank G-d I don’t drive a minivan or live in the burbs – I’d have to hurl myself off a cliff (no offense to any minivan driving suburban Moms out there – it just not my cup of tea).

SO, here it is…my flailing attempt to garner a bit of who I used to be. I will officially begin my Project 365 on my 39th birthday (Sept 5). However, in the next month, I will clarify my goals for this blog and myself in preparation for my journey to unearth and cultivate me…because it will make me a better Mom, better person, better woman, better educator, better wife, and, perhaps most of all, because I deserve it. Don’t we all?
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (Lao-tzu)